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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Papa brings a smack down: an open letter to the lady at Target

Dear Lady,

Thank you so much for your judgmental looks at both me and my daughter yesterday afternoon. Your stink eye looks and sneers as Anna was having her age appropriate meltdown really helped the situation. Between the staggering heat, not sleeping well, and going through her last day of school Anna was a perfect storm of emotions and bad behavior as we checked out. Yes, I saw you as we were walking through the store and I saw your little sneers as Anna demanded toys and other goodies in the toy department. I also noticed that you didn’t have a wedding ring on, which probably means you are not married and do not have children of your own. I bet your precious Mr. Whiskers is just a purrfectly behaved kitty and does EXACTLY what you tell him to do each and every day. Good for you. Go get a lint roller; you have cat hair on your ass.

I also noticed that you had single serving food items, which supports my theory that you do indeed live alone and are probably a hateful cunt. I appreciate you not saying anything, as I would have had to have a little side bar conversation with you should you have decided to open your trap and comment on her behavior. I appreciated the “hang in there” from the lady in the toy department as she saw my exasperation with Anna and I really appreciate the checkout guy engaging Eli while Anna moved up to Category 5 on the meltdown scale. Those little gestures were appreciated and kept me from having a full on stroke at the checkout.

Yes, we know, kids should be seen and not heard, but that doesn’t always happen. I am sorry that your trip out for dinner after an action packed afternoon of cat grooming and watching your stories was interrupted by a little girl with some big things on her plate. She may look mature and sound mature, but in reality, she’s a 5 year old, a little girl who is working on being able to control her emotions and behavior. I was able to remain calm while dealing with this situation thanks to those two offering their support while all this was going on. Your tacit disapproval did nothing for the situation but did indeed put you in the running for Bitch of the Year. Go back to your apartment, Mr. Whiskers misses you.

Sincerely,

Papa Tom