Friday, August 16, 2013

Happy Birthday Madonna!

Today is the 55th birthday of our most Holy Lady of Perpetual Ass Shaking. Yup, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone turns 55 today. Madge has provided the soundtrack to much of my life, through both the good and the bad. I adore her. What follows is a side bar from my book that details the day we picked up our own little Diva. Enjoy. And don’t judge.
This is an embarrassing side note, but one that needs to be shared. I am a huge Madonna fan and love everything she has ever done. Confessions on a Dance Floor was released the day we were to get Anna. As we headed into town to bring our daughter home, I made Tod stop by Target so I could pick up the CD. The 20 minute drive into Toledo was filled with the thumping retro-disco sounds of album. I figured I needed to get this listening in now as my future had Raffi and the Wiggles penciled in for listening material. The CD case is still in the pocket of my door, a reminder of just how gay I am.
In case you still aren’t convinced, I dug up this old Live Journal entry to help convince you otherwise:
Today truly is a national holiday. It always is when a new Madonna CD comes out. So, a few of my students were running to Michael's to pick up some art stuff, and since I am stuck here until 9 tonight, I tossed one of them a $20 and asked them to pick up Hard Candy for me. Yeah, I am the gay for doing that, but hey, what's a true blue fan to do if he has to work all day when her CD comes out? So far, I like it a lot. It's not her typical stuff, but it had us bobbing and dancing in the studio as we previewed it. We were all pretty much into the groove.
The remixes will probably be killer, can't wait to hear all of them. Not sure what D.J.s are in vogue right now, but they certainly have a lot to express themselves with then they hear this. I hate to rain on anyone's parade, but this truly a great work of art. Certainly not bedtime story material, as you'll want to go and dance, but it isn't frozen in the 70s like the last CD. I could go deeper and deeper into my analysis, but I won't.
The day that Confessions on a Dance Floor dropped was the day that Anna dropped into our lives. Since we couldn't get into the hospital until 9, we dropped by a Target and picked it up on the way to take her home from the hospital. Years from now, when she reads this, she'll probably end up in therapy for that... but hey, she'll live to tell. I doubt she'll be too hung up on the fact that I put getting Madonna over rushing to get her from the hospital. We'll talk, but she'll probably just say... Papa don't preach.
Yup, that gay.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The re-release of Jesus Has Two Daddies

Back in December of 2012, my book, “Jesus has two Daddies” was published by 2 Moon Press in Marshall, MI.
The process was fraught with delays and issues with the formatting of the digital version. Little did I know that the business was sold and is now no longer publishing or distributing. The dealings were rather shady and there is currently a lawsuit being brought forth by a group of us angry authors. While I was able to secure a good supply of my printed book, the Kindle version was never in my control. The formatting issues were never fixed, nor did I ever see a profit/royalty check from the publisher, even though many digital copies were sold.
I asked Amazon to remove my book from its collection, and I am happy to report that the new and improved “Jesus has two Daddies” is now available exclusively on Kindle as an e book. The photos are in color and the formatting issues that were in the initial release are gone.
If you bought an earlier version, I would encourage you to complain to Amazon about that edition and ask for a refund, as the more money I can get back from the scoundrel publisher the better!
I would then ask that you visit: order your new copy for $2.99. This time I may actually see a profit on this endeavor!
And, there are a few books still available for you to buy for your library. They are $14.00 signed and shipped to you directly. Send me a message at and we can discuss details.

I thank you for your continued support with our family and my book.

Much love,
Tom McMillen-Oakley

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

An update on the book

You can scam us, but you can't take away our awesomeness!
An update for you all…
As you know, when my book was first published in December, we had some issues getting the actual physical hold em in your hands books printed. We also had issues with the formatting on the Kindle and other digital versions of the book on line. As of today, 2 Moon Press, the publisher of my book, is no longer in existence. We’re not sure what went on, but apparently it’s a potentially shady endeavor. A group of angry authors, all of us screwed by this company, are working on a potential class action suit against the former owners. Our day in court is coming up in August. I know that many copies of my book have been sold, as of this time, I have not seen a dime from the publisher for royalties.
In the meantime, my book was taken down from Kindle/Nook and wherever else I could find it. I have to republish and find a distributor for those that want an actual physical copy. I have a few available, so get em while they’re hot; they’re collector’s items now.
I will republish my book exclusively on Kindle some time later this week. The issues with the formatting will be gone and the book should be much more readable on your device with this version.  It’s been a journey and a whole lot of work to do this, but now the money will come directly to our family and not line the pockets of the two miscreants who scammed us.
I appreciate your support and I look forward to sharing with you the new and improved version of my book.


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Paula Deen and the F word

Recently, celebrity chef, butter enthusiast, and diabetic Paula Deen got in a heap o’ trouble when it came out that she had used the N word and other racially charged words in her past. For the record, the N word was not nutrition, but rather the other N word, nigger.

With June being Pride Month for us LGBT folks, I posted the above pic that showed Paula with the words “Happy Pride Month Faggots!” written beneath her smiling chubby face. While most of my friends got it and Lol’d and HAHAHAHA’d all over the comment section of the post, one person did not get it and called the post offensive. 
But was it offensive?
Yes, it’s offensive, but it’s also funny as hell because I (an admitted faggot) posted it to MY timeline during Pride Month. I found the meme hysterical and timely considering the recent allegations against her. When you use the very words that were meant to hurt you, you diffuse their power to hurt you and take ownership of the word.
Make sense?
When I taught high school, I was truly called every name in the book.  What book you ask? It was my lesson plan book that I kept at the corner of my desk.
Whenever a student called me a name or said something hurtful to me, I would stop them and calmly go to the last page of my book and scan the names that I had been called prior to this incident. If they called me something that was already there, I tsk-tsk’d them and told them to try again and to be more creative. After all, it was an art class. If it was a new word, I congratulated them and put the word in the book for posterity. I would then escort their rude ass down to the principal’s office for a detention.
I have several good friends who routinely call me a faggot while we are talking or interacting and I am okay with that, because we are all faggots. We own the word. It is okay for us to use the words because it is used in jest between friends. If someone yells the same word to me without knowing me, that’s a different story. 

In the Joe Jackson song, “Real Man” he sings: You don't want to sound dumb, don't want to offend. So don't call me a faggot, not unless you are a friend.

Just like black rappers or entertainers will use the N word with each other, it’s okay, because they are taking ownership of the word. However, if I cut a track and start using the N word, that would be a problem.  But do all white folk get a pass if they use the word, even if it’s for entertainment purposes? In the 2004 film “Shaun of the Dead” Nick Frost’s character Ed pulls up to save his friends from a hoard of zombies and jumps out of the car saying “What’s up niggas?” 

When I first saw that scene, I truly laughed out loud and then slammed my hand to my face and quickly scanned the room to see if anyone was shooting daggers at me for laughing at his oblivious comment.
Was it racist?
Was it funny?
Fuck yes.
So how do we fix this situation? The offended person got his assless chaps in a bunch and lamented the fact that my twisted friends and I found this amusing. Some people get it, others don’t. The offended one referred to me as a “friend” (quotations were by him) in a comment, so I suggested that he un”friend” me and move on. Really now, I live with a 7 year old girl, I have enough drama in my life, so perhaps this is for the best.

Peace out fags, and have a great 4th of July!

P.S. If you are offended by anything I wrote here, or on my Facebook page, I suggest you go fuck yourself.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Monday, April 15, 2013

Pushed out?

From the ever-informative Joe My God ( comes this tidbit from a book review by Dan Savage. I have read much about Chu’s book, and have put it on my summer reading list. However, Dan sums up my thoughts about religion in his review perfectly:
"My father was a Catholic deacon, my mother was a lay minister and I thought about becoming a priest. I was in church every Sunday for the first 15 years of my life. Now I spend my Sundays on my bike, on my snowboard or on my husband. I haven’t spent my post-Catholic decades in a sulk, wishing the church would come around on the issue of homosexuality so that I could start attending Mass again. I didn’t abandon my faith. I saw through it. The conflict between my faith and my sexuality set that process in motion, but the conclusions I reached at the end of that process — there are no gods, religion is man-made, faith can be a force for good or evil — improved my life. I’m grateful that my sexuality prompted me to think critically about faith.
Pushed out? No. I walked out."
Dan Savage, from his New York Times book review of Jeff Chu's Does Jesus Really Love Me?

Monday, April 8, 2013

Me on the Bart Hawley Show, JTV, Jackson, MI

Bart, never work with kids or pets. Anna on the green couch c.  2006.

Want to know what I sound like?
Want to see and hear me talk about my book?
Want to see my rockin' bow tie?
Follow the link:

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Again, an update

Ah, the joys of publishing! Read on for an update on the book.

Yes, we actually have them this time.

My book, Jesus has Two Daddies will be for sale exclusively at I’ve Been Framed here in Jackson! However, if you are not in the area and want a copy please check out Amazon or Barnes and Noble. The delays and issues that were a problem a month ago appear to have been corrected.

Ignore the “not available” and order away!

If you are in the Jackson area, join us for a Meet the Author and Book Signing on Friday March 15th 2013 from 5:30 to 8:30 pm at I’ve Been Framed. 
We’ll have snacks and beverages and you’ll get a chance to pick up your own signed copy of the book.

You’ll also support a fine local business and a bevy of Michigan artists.
Address: 866 North Wisner Street, Jackson, MI 49202
Phone:(517) 783-3810

Again, thanks for all the great feedback and support. I am truly honored and blessed to have such great folks behind me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Rock Star Parents.

There is a meme floating around the internets that likens being a parent to being a rock star. At first, I passed thinking it wasn't me, but as I reread the 10 points, I began nodding in agreement and images from my life as a parent flashed in my head.

1.       Endless hours on the road with too many people in the vehicle. Not so much for us. Our daily commutes are less than 15 minutes and we divide and conquer to get the kids to school. However, road trips across the state to visit either grandparent’s house can be a major test of nerve and sanity.

2.       Your job is to entertain a room full of loud, writhing maniacs. See above. Sometimes Nick Jr. or the Disney Channel will do the entertaining. Sometimes it’s an Ipad or Kindle. Meal times at our place often resemble the video “The One Thing” by INXS, complete with the cat roaming around on the dining room table.

3.       If you do your job well, people will ask you to produce more. Okay, we’ll only be a two album band, and thankfully for us there are no such things as surprise adoptions.

4.       You ask yourself daily, “Am I tripping? Or did I just see that?” Just when you think you have seen your kids do every crazy or dangerous thing, something else happens and you are thankful that you didn't have to call 911.

5.       Your name is always shouted, never spoken. Our daughter rarely talks, she goes right to screaming. With the way she screams “PAPA! ELI IS (insert little brother mischief here)!!!” you’d think he was hitting her with a baseball bat. Granted, that has happened, and the offending weapon has been retired. Having someone make a face at you is NOT a reason to scream bloody murder.

6.       Someone is always pulling at your clothes. Yup, just the other day, I was crashed on the couch watching TV in my pajama pants. Eli comes up, pulls them down and smacks my ass. Nice. Not even a hello or a get out. Instead, all I got was a “I spanked your booty!” and a giggle.

7.       Groupies follow you to the bathroom. We have one bathroom in our 107 year-old home that has a workable lock. It is my fortress of solitude in the morning. While using the bathroom connected to our bedroom one morning, both kids, the cat, and our dog all managed to get in the bathroom whilst I pooped. I doubt Superman went to his fortress to poop, but I wouldn't blame him.

8.       There’s a different person in your bed every night. Sometimes even two. Thankfully the kids are now sleeping on their own and aside from the occasional bad dream or puking, we rarely get nocturnal visitors. However, in the morning we will all pile up on the bed and watch some cartoons together. Fathers’ Day is another day that our breakfast (donuts and juice) are brought to us and we all eat and hang out. The linens and comforter all go straight to the laundry afterwards. Not because of crabs, booze and vomit, but because of spilled juice, crumbs and assorted other messes.

9.       At the end of your day, you’re sweaty and your hair is a mess. Meh, this was me BEFORE I had kids.

10.   Screaming is part of the job. I swear to god, I sound like the lead singer for Linkin Park some days. And yet, for all the screaming and yelling at 11, sometimes it’s like I am on mute and they didn't even hear me. I can be two feet from them, and in a normal voice say “don’t do (insert stupid kid thing here).” And the behavior continues. I will repeat “don’t do (insert stupid kid thing here)” at a louder volume and usually they are startled enough to stop whatever kid thing they were doing. And yes grandmothers, we've had their hearing checked and it’s completely fine.

So, are we rock stars as parents? I think so. Some mornings I wake up feeling like Steven Tyler looks, but I soldier on. You have to bring it to the stage each and every day. You have to break through your lack of sleep and kick it out of the stadium even if you are hung over or exhausted from an early evening out with your friends. From now on, I plan to start each day with the portable sound system we got for tailgating and scream down the hall to wake the kids…

“Check. Check. Sibilant. Sibilant.”

And then, with the speaker at 11…


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

New year, new update

First off, I want to let you know that the formatting of the Kindle version of the book is a little whack. The publisher and Amazon are dealing with the problem and they are working to fix it. When the bugs are fixed, we’ll send an update. One of my friends said it looked like a hastily made ransom note in areas. If you can overlook that, download and read away! The reviews are positive and people really like the book. 

Meanwhile, the book will be available for purchase and delivery soon. Due to my surgery and the holidays, we had a few setbacks in getting it to the printer.

However, if you are in the area, my book will be for sale exclusively at I’ve Been Framed here in Jackson after February 8th!

Join us for a Meet the Author and Book Signing on
Friday February 15th 2013 from 5 to 8 pm at I’ve Been Framed. We’ll have snacks and beverages of all sorts and you’ll get a chance to pick up your own signed copy of my book, Jesus Has Two Daddies.

You’ll also get a chance to support a fine local business and a bevy of Michigan artists.
Address: 866 North Wisner Street, Jackson, MI 49202
Phone:(517) 783-3810

Thanks for all the great feedback and support. I am truly honored and blessed to have such great folks behind me.