One of our goals for 2011 was to get healthy and start working out. We looked into the YMCA here in town as they have a great facility and programs for kids all week and weekend. For me as a single person, it’s about $39 a month. For me as a single parent, it would be about $52 a month and would allow for the kids, but Tod would have to pay the $39 a month to join us. They have a family membership which by their site’s definition is two married adults and dependents as defined by the IRS. Well, we are married, and the IRS recognizes us in California and several other states. Seeing as the Y is an international organization, I would have thought that we would be allowed. If we didn’t have the family membership, our monthly fees would be about $100 a month, and substantially more than the family rate for sure. I signed up as a family, and listed Tod as my spouse and his gender as M on the form. I even put our last names down, which, by law are the same. The woman processing my membership kept referring to my wife and I corrected her stating that it was actually my husband and that we were legally married. I didn’t get into specifics, because in my mind, marriage is marriage, but she pressed me and I said that we were part of the 18,000 who actually got married and our marriages are supported by the state and recognized by the IRS. She then asked to see our tax returns and I told her that we didn’t file, but are considered married in California. She went and talked to someone and they said we had to show proof of our marriage, preferably tax forms. I told her that we didn’t have those, but did have a license. She went back and talked to that unknown person and they seemed to think it was okay then.
Fuck my life. I am trying to get healthy, trying to get my kids involved in some fun programs, but we are being asked to prove that we are a family and married. Their mission statement: To put Christian principles into practice through programs that build healthy Spirit, Mind and Body for all seems to run afoul of that by this afternoon’s events. I am debating what to do, as this is offensive on a whole host of levels.
What are your thoughts readers? What would you do in this situation?
I would to a different gay-friendly gyms, this is crazy.
ReplyDeleteI would take your lisence in and then go there as often as possible as a family showing them that you ARE infact married and they are lucky to have young married couples that want to pay their fees. Male-Male, Male-Female, Female-Female their money all spends the same, their sweat is all the same, and their kids are all the same. I will bet that you would be one of the more conciderate parents that brings kids there because you actualy watch them and make them behave.
ReplyDeleteAlso invite as many of your same sex couple friends to join you.
On one hand, I've had to show tax forms and prove we're married for similar things -- had to prove marriage for my health care, had to show tax forms for the daughter's dance class. So that seems kind of normal for something where they're adjusting the rate by income, as the Y does. They may have this ruling about what is considered a family because the rates are tied to state or federal grant monies, or for reporting issues--but I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteSome agencies use this language to specifically not allow same-sex couples the family rate, and it looks like some YMCAs across the country do just that, while others are more open. (http://www.gaywallet.com/forum/topics/ymca-member-challenges-local) My guess is that here in Jackson, similar to what Marriage Matters did with their policy, is that the YMCA's board adopted this language to deliberately discriminate but, when faced with someone in their face about it, the individual manager you got was willing to bend.
If they're willing to let you in, I would jump on it for a number of reasons. First, once they admit you that's a wedge for other same-sex couples who might run up against an even less friendly manager's reading of the policy. Secondly, similarly, if you don't jump on it, they might close this door you've wedged open. Third, because it meets your healthy-lifestyle goals. Once you have your membership set up, it shouldn't re-emerge as an issue, and you can put it behind you.
If they go back on it and don't allow the membership, that's a lot harder to decide what to do. We can put pressure on them through protest and what-not, but probably not as much pressure as Spring Arbor University could put on the United Way, for example, when it got them to pull money and programs from Planned Parenthood. It's more a matter of infiltrating the board.
I'm sorry, It SUCKS! Especially since you are married. They won't let different sexes be on a family plan even if they have been living together for years and have children which isn't right either. You could complain in the Jackson Voice of the People. They are waiving the join fee till the 15th will save you some money, each membership is allowed 2 free guest passes a year, you can buy day passes also for $10 but you only get 2 or 3 a year. I hear planet fitness is cheaper :)
ReplyDeleteI say you present the marriage license and if there happens to be any problem with that you move to another gym who will gladly accept you and your husband. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is offensive that you have to prove it, but, they did accept you. And that, I think, is the important thing. Go, get healthy as a family. Be there and let people get to know you. You and your family may be the vehicle by which God moves them to a more open mind and compassionate heart. We are often catalysts in the development of others, whether we realize it or not :)
ReplyDelete(Emily Sanchez, found my way here by way of RevCyn's facebook :) )
christian principles i've found are a cruel joke, but eh, to each his own religion wise i guess. but, being that our country is not of one selective faith, all organizations should accept all versions of family. i backed out of a Cottonelle (yeah the TP brand) contest once because of how they defined a family, it was mean. only one child could be grown, there had to be 2 parents, etc. very seedy. never purchased their TP again. it's not right that there's so much discrimination involving what can and cannot be a family unit. if you're acknowledged to be married by the state of California then that should be acknowledged everywhere, even at these supposedly "christian" places. you handled the situation well, i can't say i would have been that calm if it happened to me. why in the world would they need your tax returns, that's not something you're going to lie about. i wouldn't go to the Y after something like that, in fact, if i'd already paid, i'd demand a refund. but it's the only public facility in jackson with an indoor pool.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't make a big deal for the sake of safe/sane use of the facility.
ReplyDeleteEvery crack in their bigotry opens minds to a wider truth.
*Show* them what a family is... family (in my mind) is not defined by a piece of paper or the state.
It is easy for me to say
ReplyDelete'go forward with this; don't let them back you down lest they keep doing this to others!"
I do not blame you for going elsewhere; who wants to go where you are not wanted? But then there was Rosa Parks.
How complicated.
Keep us posted what you decide.
Dude, I am in PA, the most hick State of all. And we got the $52.00 rate for all six of us at the Y. It just must be the individual at the front desk. Our person was about 118 years old and he still gave us the Family rate.
ReplyDeleteYour Friend, m.
All this for a gym membership...it's not like you're buying a condo! What a bunch of hogwash. I say get in there, hold your head up, and move on with your fitness goals. Good for you for pushing -- and not letting the "lady" behind the counter intimidate you! good luck!
ReplyDeleteInvesting a huge amount of emotional energy into a gym membership (regardless of the principle) is giving this, I think, more importance than it deserves.
ReplyDeleteYou live in Jackson. A lot of folks there have never *met* a gay family (that they knew of). Its nice to say "I shouldn't *have* to deal with this" but you well know that, outside of Ann Arbor and a few other places in Michigan, folks are still pretty clueless when it comes to this stuff, and even in those "enlightened" places you can meet folks who aren't at all friendly.
Ten years ago it would have been unthinkable. Ten years from, probably a non-issue in a lot more places.
So you show your license or whatever, you get the benefit, and move on. Isn't that what you got the license for in the first place, was the protection and privileges it (theoretically) affords you? You two already got married in 2001 (I was there, it was very hot as I remember).
Having our families be contested ground in the culture wars sucks. But what sucks even more is wrapping yourself up in knots when you're reminded of that reality.
My $0.02. You know I love you like my luggage.
I would have taken umbrage, pulled out my cell, taken a picture of the clerk and emailed it to my attorney. Then I would have called him to explain to the bigots that an expensive lawsuit isn't much in their favor.
ReplyDeleteIf you and your partner had both been women, this wouldn't have happened. I have a gay (guys) couple as friends, and they turn heads in our small town. But the two gals who have lived together forever don't even raise an eyebrow. I love the comment by "truthspew" above. I think if we call some "bluffs" now and then, the bigots might just disappear. Or is that just wishful thinking?
ReplyDelete