Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My own personal war on Christmas

As some of you know from reading this blog, or seeing my rants on Facebook, I have given up on religion this past year. This was unfortunately a pretty easy thing to do for me as I was sick of the hypocrisy and general bigotry that most religious institutions offer. Even though we had found an accepting church, actions and comments by the minister left me feeling disenfranchised and wondering why I even bother. An interim minister at the church next door did a spiritual gifts inventory during her time at the church a few years back and I scored highest on Faith. This has been tough to reconcile lately, especially with Christmas coming. In the past, I got swept up in the whole religious aspect of it, lighting advent wreath candles and studying Isaiah for clues to the mystery of the coming Messiah.

Now, not so much. For me, it’s become Christ-meh.

I am usually the first one in the attic each year to bust open the storage area and haul out the holly, but this year, our poor tree sat lit but undecorated for over a week. Even my inner-Martha Stewart couldn’t budge my Grinch-like heart. I was wrestling with the notion of why I would even want to celebrate the birth of a man who has brought so much pain, death, and suffering to the world by the actions of His followers. I see the images of Him in the manger and hear the sweet songs sung by choirs, but all of that is over-shadowed by an institution that promotes hatred, bigotry, and selective salvation to LGBT people all over the world. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Jesus, it’s just His followers I can’t stand.

If Christians just followed the words of Jesus, this world would be such a great place. The archaic laws of the Old Testament, so selectively tossed around and followed would be ignored and His message of hope and salvation could be the true focus of the church. Alas, this is not going to happen, and as we roast chestnuts, sing carols, and celebrate His birthday, a young man or woman is being told by their family and their church that they are going to hell for who they are and who they love and shunned by those that they call family. They are being told that they are less than perfect and have no place in society. Many will struggle with the issue of family during this warm and fuzzy Hallmark nightmare and will seek out other ways to fill the void created by their isolation. Some will even commit suicide.

So what is a newly minted Atheist supposed to do, especially with a bubbly five year old that is fully aware of all the trappings of the holiday? The answer is, he bucks up, puts up the tree and focuses on the secular side of the celebration. In the past, I have decorated our long foyer with a rather large nativity set being the focus. This year, it’s a snowman and snowflakes, (as a bonus, I can leave it up through January). In the past, we would gather as a family and read passages from the bible as we lit our advent wreath. This year, we’ll count down the days until Santa comes and focus on sharing and being good. One thing will remain though, and that is the spirit of giving. Each year we pick a family to help and we do so with the kids in tow. We buy toys and donate them to the Toys for Tots or the Angel Tree. Anna is beginning to understand the spirit of giving, and her desire for the toys is going away as she realizes that there are kids who go without on a daily basis.

But now, for me, it’s now easier to believe in Santa Claus than it is a Messiah. At least Santa delivers on his promises.

12 comments:

  1. I went through similar struggles a few years ago. I use the holidays for good. Time to reflect, time to spend with those who I love. Now I have a family of 5. Three atheists and two younger kids (12 and 10) who are still deciding. When asked if they minded celebrating the Winter Solstice instead of Xmas (4 days earlier!) they were all totally OK with it. Here, on Dec 8, we have zero holiday 'stuff' hung. We might get a tree. maybe. We are not short on love or giving mind you, we just choose not to tie it to a deity, or his kid.

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  2. I think that's awesome - focusing on giving as an annual meditation. :) Perhaps you could see fi there is a soup kitchen you could volunteer at Christmas morning?

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  3. First I must say that we went by your house tonight and my kids said "WOW ANNA REALLY HAS CHRISTMAS GOING ON!" so you must be doing something right. And I am all for the throwing out of the old testment... God was such a grump before he had a child.

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  4. I really get this, and share your frustrations. There is a big disconnect between Jesus' teachings and the misinterpretation of those teachings by so many of his followers. It's frustrating that so many people use the Bible to justify acts of hate, intolerance and inhumanity. Trying to educate them otherwise is a lost cause--I would rather bang my head against a wall.

    For me, sometimes all I can do is just sigh and realize that not everyone gets it. There will always be idiots in the world, to put it bluntly. But in your case, I imagine that's harder to do. It's hard to accept that people are intolerant when their intolerance is more strongly directed at you. I'm so sorry that you have become disheartened. But honestly, who could blame you?

    I guess the challenge is to have faith--faith that love will conquer all. Of course, that is easier said than done.

    Ok, I'm done now. Sorry for the novel length comment.

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  5. ah my friend.
    Try not to give up on the messiah himself and as God, when evil is truly in the hearts and minds of those that would twist and misuse him. Only on Sunday Maude's and political workings created the church which daily shows it's hypocrsy, are not true beleivers. True beleivers remember to love they neighbor as thyself, true beleivers judge not lest yea be judged, and true beleivers leave
    the sinner list to a higher power Loving God. Your heart is pure, your giving without seeing, and loving beyond measure makes you his child.If we were all so,we would have a wonderful world...you are my brother...God Bless you...

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  6. My Dad always said: The masses are asses. You nailed it in the last paragraph. We focus on love, kindness, giving and a gentle spirit. You don't need church for that.

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  7. Ya know, Christianity isn't the only show in town. Why not explore other faiths?

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  8. This year, in the face of so many good things, we had a bit of sadness going on while putting up the random holiday stuff. We moved but instead of some of the expected greater closeness with the locals we were hoping for things have felt a bit distant. Chris has it exactly right: It's about families. We just need to figure out what that means in the face of the changes.

    As far as Jesus goes, I tend to just remember that he was a victim of marketing. The religion didn't survive all that unscathed when the Romans made it the state religion. Most of the things that aren't strictly religious that we celebrate about the holidays are largely leftover pagan bits and other more recent traditions.

    Keep the bits that make sense and are good for you.

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  9. Every post I read makes me happier to have found your blog and that you are raising the next generation.

    My dad explained secular humanism to me when I was a kid as "people doing good because they want to, not because god or somebody tells them to." Y'all remind me of him a good bit.

    From an old-time atheist to a newly minted one, tell your bubbly five year old and the rest of your family I say "Merry Christmas!"

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  10. Hi, as a long time atheist with 3 children, despite the fact that our local primary school is church of England, we celebrate christmas as a Midwinter Festival, a slighty delayed winter solstice, no religion involved, a get together with family and friends to mark the passing of another year and look forward to the joys and sadnesses of the next.
    It works for us, and we dont celebrate the new year, its an all in one do.

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  11. Faith begins and ends with a personal relationship with God. Organized religion of any faith can, for some, provide a place for people to share, support and uplife each other in faith. It is always sad to see that people feel they are not getting the support they expect from a place and the people within that place.

    People of faith (Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Wiccan, Atheists, etc.) are just people. Imperfect, judgemental, hypocritical, insensitive people. They can also be loving, supportive, caring and affirming people. I know the disappointment that can be found when the ideals of what could/should be run into the relaity of what is. I will pray that you can reconcile your personal faith with a relationship with God.

    Wishing you and your family a very Merry and Blessed Christmas!

    Kellen

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  12. I really enjoyed reading this post. I stay away from religion for that exact reason. I believe in being accepting and loving...doing good deeds for others...etc. etc. Looking forward to reading more of your blog

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