Some of you may know that I am a giant celebrity whore. If there is anyone from the Z to the D list milling about, I will find them and stalk them with my Sharpie and stack of note cards. So what have I learned from my 20 years of stalking?
• Julie Andrews signs with a silver paint marker.
• Vincent Price would sign your stuff and inscribe it for you.
• Tim Curry is really short and is apparently hounded by proprietary autograph hounds where ever he goes. I felt bad asking him for an autograph.
• David Hyde Pierce DOES NOT sign autographs.
• The Blue Men will sign your Playbill with a blue thumb print.
• Quentin Crisp was in the New York City phone book, and was thrilled to get my request.
• However, John Waters was NOT thrilled that I found his address on line, but signed anyways. He expressed his opinion on a post it note on the back of the picture I sent him.
• Mark Wahlberg is really short, but he told me where to pee in NYC.
• Eartha Kitt is really short too.
• Art Linkletter is a giant.
• Jeff Daniels is a dick.
• Henry Rollins is smokin’ hot, but not really tall.
• Moby will draw you a picture if you ask him, even in a parking garage in NYC.
• George Carlin would talk with you when he was peeing next to you at Sardi’s.
• Andres Serrano, when pushed to talk about censorship will send you a three page handwritten letter.
• Matthew Broderick sends his letters from an address in CA somewhere, for tax purposes.
• Lynn Johnston, of the cartoon, For Better or Worse, sent me a page from her sketch book.
• Nathan Lane signed a Timon doll right on the crotch for me.
• Sean Astin is short but loves kids.
• Karen Finley is not above signing an index card.
• Martha Stewart’s ink fades quickly.
• Margaret Cho will sign for cash.
• I apparently killed Walter (Woody Woodpecker) Lantz, as he died shortly after I sent my request, but I still got an autograph!
• Bruce Vilanch looks like Rolf the Dog from the Muppets mated with Sally Jesse Raphael.
• Annie Liebovitz will send you proof pages she didn’t use.
• William Wegman will draw his dogs.
• If you write to Jimmy Carter, Plains, GA or Stephen King, Bangor, Maine, you’ll get an autograph.
• Amy Sedaris got the entire cast of “Strangers with Candy” to sign the picture I sent her, and she drew nose hair coming out of her nose with the Sharpie.
• My most cherished autograph was one of my first. Although I did not meet her in person, Julia Child signed my copy of “The Way to Cook” and the cover hangs in my kitchen. And yes, she signed it with a “bon appetit!”
What a fun Hobby. My mother use to me a celebrity stalker. I guess her collection of autographs ranged from the celebrities of the 40's to the Pope. Unfortunatly, they were left in their attic when they moved from their first home...Oh, the treasure someone has now.
ReplyDeleteI only have a Paul Newman on a Nascar Pit Crew ticket.
You forgot Sarah Mc Lachlan.
ReplyDeleteYou met George Carlin? Lucky SOB! ;P
ReplyDeleteI've got David Hyde Pierce's autograph; I met him when he was in Chicago doing Spamalot. Does that mean it's worth something? Should I ebay it?!
ReplyDelete:)
@ Judy, Paul is still a good catch!
ReplyDelete@ Shannon, yup, how could I do that???
And, to e1ith, I peed next to him at Sardi's. We didn't exactly meet, but we talked.
Nice guy.
@ Ursine1, he refused before AND after the Spamalot in NYC. He snuck in and snuck out, while the rest of the cast, Tim, Hank Azaria, etc all greeted the fans.
ReplyDeleteWhen I talked to one of the ushers later, she reported that he refused any requests.
So yeah, it might be worth something.
that was a fun post; I remember seeing your collection in Jackson.
ReplyDeleteBTW - my blue man group was signed with a blue kiss.
ReplyDelete