Sunday, January 18, 2009

Forever and Ever?

I was chatting with a good friend tonight and we were discussing his current status of single. He discussed the breakup and what brought it about. He mentioned a discussion with his ex in which when asked if this person was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with he answered no. This, of course, was not the answer he (the ex) wanted to hear and they went their separate ways.
When I first met Tod, this question was answered in my head within the first few weeks of our relationship. As we grew together as a couple, my guess was confirmed. I think this is why I am so adamant about Gay Marriage. I want to grow old with Tod, but I want to be safe and secure in not only our relationship, but in our status as a couple as well.

Getting old is hard enough.

I watch my parents struggling in retirement, and I can’t imagine going through it not married. My Grandma Oakley remarried after my Grandfather passed for that very reason.

I want to grow old with Tod, but I don’t want to worry about if I can share a room with him in our retirement center/nursing home.

I want to grow old with Tod, and at some point, I would like our family to all be on his insurance.

I want to grow old with Tod, and I want to know that he and Anna will be taken care of should something happen to me.

I want to grow old with Tod, but I want to know that we can visit each other in the hospital when that time comes to say good bye.

I looked at the pictures of Phyllis Lyon, 79, and Del Martin, 83, the first couple to legally marry in California and my heart swelled with pride. These two had been together for longer than I have been on this earth, and for a brief time, they were legally married and were able to be together under the band of marriage.
As heterosexual couples, the above things would never be an issue, but for us, it could be.
While we are legally married in California, it does very little for us here in Michigan since Proposition 2 passed several years ago. The person you love and care about and want to spend the rest of your life with should be the focus of your existence, not the questions listed above. While being a heterosexual doesn’t automatically guarantee a trouble free marriage, it does provide some safe guards that we as LGBT couples do not enjoy. Take your marriage seriously, take your vows seriously, and look the person you married in the eyes and tell them that you want to grow old with them.

1 comment:

  1. Exactly. And that is why I have not re-married after being divorced for 14 years come April 10th. My one and only marriage of four and a half years was a train wreck before the train was even stoked up and ready to leave the station. I have not found that one person I want to grown old with. I admire the fact that you and Tod are able to trust enough to continue moving forward with your life and your comittment to each other and Anna. Especially in the face of ridiculous laws against the "validity" of your marriage. My heart aches when I think of discrimination same sex couples face just because they are "of the same sex". It makes no sense whatsoever. I know that one day things will change. In the meantime I support you and and same sex couples everywhere that desire a union recognized by law. What an extraordinarily lucky young lady Anna is to have two Daddies such as you and Tod.