Mizz'N My Kidz! A very special holiday edition

Eli's birth dad and his brother.

It’s the Christmas season! And, just like herpes, Eli’s birth mom is the gift that keeps on giving. She once again turned off her privacy filter on Facebook, and I was able to grab some more of her ramblings. Warning: English teachers and the easily offended should probably NOT read this. My notes/explanations are in parentheses.

· Yes, I Have A High Class, A Ghetto Ass, Luscious Thighs, Candy Eyes, Tempting Lips, Killah Kiss, So Wave Good-Bye && Blow A Kiss Cuz Baby Youh Cant Handle This

· Well Guess Im Goin Bacc Ta Bed, Dont Feel Good At All :'( Wanna Cry, Ive Been Really Emotional Lately :(( I Dont Kno Whats Wrong Wit Me...Gotta Call CFH (Center for Family Health) In Tha Morning && Get Me&& Tay In Ta See A Doc

· Soo Would Rather Be Dead, Than Ta Feel Another Minute Of This Pain... Its Slowly Moving Up InTa My Chest... Wishin SomeOne Would Juss Shoot Me... On My Way Ta ColdWater Wit Tay,

· M F G, My Daughter Is Fucc'N Huge.! I Love All My Kids Soo Much.!

· Wow, Got Some New Pics Of My Daughter.! [: !! Bouts Ta Goo Smoke A Fatty Wit My Girl

· Bitch Pull Your Hair Back And Suck L’s Dick... *needs a cuddy buddy* (L is Eli’s birth dad)

· Soo I Got A Ride InTa Town, And Still Cant See Him :( Ugh This Is Fuckin Irritating! Wit My *Ride or Die* Chick... I Love This Bio-tch!! Sorry, I Tried....

· This one hit home: B O R E D . . . Need SomeThin Ta Do, Who Wants Ta Hang Out?!? Aint Got Time For Games, && Dumb Shit.! *Single Girl Swagg* Fucc'N Lame-O!! HaHa :) Alayzia Is Huge, Now If I Could Only Get A Recent Pic Of Elija, Things Would Be Great :)) Wanna Cuddle .?!?

· And this… Hmm What Ta Do.? EveryOne Is Sleepin, Started Walkin In Town Earlier, But Turned Rite Around, Its Eff'N Freezin OutSide.! Need A Cuddy Buddy! Fucc EveryOne, The Only People I Need In My Life Are My Girls, Minus 3 Other People, That Cant Be In My Life, But I SOO WISH THEY WERE, Mommy Loves Youh Guys.! *I WILL SEE THEM ALL AGAIN ONE DAY* Even If I HafTa Wait Til They Turn 18!! (I am assuming that she is talking about the kids that were taken away from her, including Eli)

· Sitn at tha ER. Need ta go home... This shit sux... Super hungry... Ready for this money then bed... IF I EVER MAKE IT HOME... Whose got a couch me and my girl can crash on?

· Soo I Just Found Out, Im DYING.. Man Oh Man.. WHOOP WHOOP... TAKE ME WERE I STAND :/

· Gon` go back ta sleep... Im FUCKN HUNGRY... Peace N love ta my REAL people... Getn crunk tanite... No food so fillin our stomachs wit alcohol... (Always a good choice)

· L called me taday. Tha last thing i wanted ta hear taday... But oh well he is doin good... Thats all that matters... And NO WERE NOT GETTING BACK TAGETHER... I GOT A RIDE OR DIE BITCH, THATS DOWN 4 ME..

And then, the equally grammatically challenged baby momma of Eli’s brother posted these lovely bits. A bit of back story, she is on again, off again with Eli’s birth dad. Apparently more off now, as he is currently in jail.

Post: me and L is over now everybody can have him and now i can move on and find somebody to love me for me and that will except my son i am a package deal.. i dont need a man in my life to make me happy as long as i got my baby boy them 2 win they can have him im done

Comments: (She is A)

Person 1 YOU WILL FIND SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU NEED TO BE LOVED AND THEY WILL LOVE YOUR BAY TO IM GLAD THAT YOU ARE OVER HIM HE WAS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU AT ALL AND ILL PRAY THAT YOU WILL FIND SOME ONE THAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR SON IM HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU ARE GETTING ON WITH YOUR LIFE LET GOD HELP YOU JUST PRAY AND ASK GOD TO FIND SOME ONE FOR YOU AND YOUR SON WELL ILL LET YOU GO FOR KNOW LOTS OF LOVE AUNT S

Person 2 so who was fuckin u over why did u break up if u dont mind me askin!

A: he is fucking my cuz\

Person 2 oh wow thats not kool how did u find out

A: cought him

Person 2 oh thats so bad im so sorry ull find someone else who will treat u right WAT HE FUCK UR CUZZO??? Bz!?

And, to wrap up this lovely entry, just found out that Eli’s mom is pregnant once again. Just in time for the holidays.

More about religion

Some responses to my recent post off of the blog:

A note from a coworker: I read your blog about the Church and completely agree with you! I was raised as a Protestant, attended a Catholic high school, and taught at a Catholic middle school for a few years. As an adult, I've concluded that religion was a man-made establishment meant to instill fear in the masses, although I do realize that initial religious practices (i.e., sacrifices and praying) developed due to man's inability to explain natural phenomena. People are afraid to admit they cannot provide answers to some of the most perplexing questions, and seem afraid to question their faith for fear of going to hell. Rather than admitting they do not yet know an answer, it is easier to make up something. At one point the sun and planets revolved around the Earth, right?!

The Church does some good--creates a sense of community and provides assistance to the needy--but I cannot tolerate the crap some of these priests spew. I only attend certain services for my family's sake (church memorials/ holiday events) and get so angered while sitting through a sermon. (I'm sure my facial expressions and gasps reveal my feelings quite clearly.) One even minimized the importance of education because it required critical thinking that challenged the teachings of the Church! Not something an educator wants to hear. I probably should have posted this response in your forum, but am quite private about my feelings. I guess it stems from my family's disapproval of my religious beliefs! Don't feel bad about not sending your children to church. As you stated, quality family time can offer far more valuable life lessons.

Thanks for getting me stirred up!

From a former student:

I love your view on Elf on the Shelf; personally I have always found that creepy. I too have a religion issue with my kids but on a different level. My kids are heavily, heavily influenced (attempted brainwashing more like it) by their Jehovah’s Witness Grandmother and I was raised bible thumping Baptist with religion issues of my own. Still looking for the perfect mix of some religious education but letting them know it is their choice and their decision on what they believe in. If they treat others like they want to be treated and don't end up in prison or a teen parent then I think I did a damn fine job by myself with no higher entity involved.

Another former student:

I am thankful every day for my UU upbringing, learning the world’s religions in Sunday school, in a non-dogmatic and accepting community gave me full perspective to find my own path of affiliation and truth.

From a fellow Thespian in town:

Not that you are seeking nor need any validation ... but I've read your blog and agree. When my children are grown, educated and have taken the time to learn, they can make their own choices about religion and church.

My own war on Christmas, 2011 Update

A few years back we bought the infamous “Elf on the Shelf” after hearing from many of our friends how wonderful the Christmas season became once their particular Elf made their annual visit to lord over and terrorize their children each year. If you’ve seen Toy Story 3, you know that Sunnyside Daycare is looked over by a mechanical monkey who sees all and rats out any trouble makers. Toy Phone tells Woody that if he wants out, he needs to “Get rid of that MONKEY!”

Your Elf is much like that.

Depending on how bad your kid(s) have been, the narc Elf will hurry back to the North Pole and rat out your progeny each and every night to the Big Guy himself. While this isn’t the Godfather saga, and severed reindeer heads are hard to come by this time of year, this kind of intimidation sometimes works and the gullible children fall under the magical spell of this parental ploy. A few years back, our Elf (Krewfie) went missing. Apparently narcs are the first ones to get knocked off on the street because after the Christmas of 09, Krewfie was nowhere to be seen. Not even a note or a tiny severed elf finger as a warning. While we scrambled for a replacement and a good story to tell Anna, the Elf at daycare went up and the behavior became a bit better at home. But like clockwork, sometime in early December, Anna cracks under the pressure and her behavior goes to 11 on the naughty scale. After a few rather big incidents at school, we decided that Krewfie needed a holiday up north, so Anna could take a breather and get her 6 year old shit together. I was seriously ready to start looking at boarding schools in Eastern Bloc countries run by former Nazis. While Krewfie hung out with the Palins, the change in her and Eli’s behavior was amazing. Suddenly they were happy, the behavior, although not perfect, was much improved over the previous week. After a run of goodness, Krewfie came back with a note… basically catching Anna being good. She has been stellar. She has been a delight.

And then it hit me, I wonder how much different my youth would have been if I had not gone to church and had the “IT’S A SIN!” shoved at me every time the idea of me being gay came up. I remember feeling much angst and internalized hatred for myself and for the other gays I knew. I also remember acting out, and not knowing why I was doing it. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but I know that the bible and my church certainly had a hand in it. So now that I am no longer affiliated with a church and consider the bible a great work of fiction, my life has settled down as well. I no longer feel unworthy (Thanks United Methodists!) and I no longer feel like a second class citizen or a bigger sinner than my neighbor. My own Krewfie has flown back north, never to reappear. My own internal compass of what is right and what is just is guiding me and that’s enough for me. I will rely on my Judeo-Christian upbringing to help frame it, but when it comes to absolutes about what is right and what is wrong, I will defer to secular law and my heart. For too long, I have had that Protestant Krewfie hanging over my shoulder snitching on me and telling the Big Guy that my sin is much worse (AN ABONIMATION!) than any others.

My hope is to wean Anna off of church because I know this fire and brimstone stuff is coming. They have already discussed the Ten Commandments in Sunday school and Anna seemed a bit perplexed about all the “do this, don’t do that” business. I am a bit confused as to why they are teaching this as adultery is a pretty big concept for 6 year olds to wrap their heads around. We have been told that she “needs” to go to church, but after much soul searching and discussion, we have found that we “need” to find out our own way of teaching her about what is right and what is wrong. We don’t need fables from a mistranslated book telling us what to do; we have our own Krewfies to help us with that. We have great stories from the library that showcase how to be a good person and do what’s right. We have DVDs of Disney classics from years past that show how character and honesty can make the situation right (with some snazzy music too!) So maybe Sunday mornings will be hang out and read or watch a DVD time. C

Certainly much less guilt and, as a bonus, we can do it in our pajamas.

California Dreamin' : A letter from the Godfather

A blog entry from Alan, our dear friend, and Godfather to our children. When Michigan finally shuts its doors in a few years, and only the casinos and medical marijuana clinics are left, you can thank the hateful Prop 4 from a few years back. The brain/creativity drain that this state is experiencing is staggering. You can find more of his work here at his personal blog: http://akiste.wordpress.com/

Dear Governor Snyder,

Greetings from California!

My name is Alan. I was born and raised in Michigan. Most of my family lives in Michigan. My husband, Brian, was born in Michigan and most of his family lives there as well. We both received our degrees at Michigan colleges. Brian has served as Director of IT for several successful high-tech Michigan companies. Most recently I was a post-doctoral research fellow in the Department of Chemistry at the University of Michigan. And now I have just begun my first semester as an Assistant Professor in the Department of Chemistry at [California University], in [somewheresville], California.

Given my life-long Michigan connection (and my family has lived in Michigan for well over a century), and given that there were open positions in the Chemistry Departments of Grand Valley State University or Western Michigan University for which I was highly qualified, you may be curious as to why I am now a Californian. Put simply: an important factor in our decision to leave our home and family is that Michigan’s Republican-controlled government is too anti-gay for my husband and me to continue to live there.

So then, my years of experience as a successful high school chemistry teacher (and four-time Kellogg Foundation Influential Educator award winner), as a researcher in cutting-edge polymer chemistry research as well as novel educational research, the money paid by Michigan residents to fund my two University of Michigan Master’s Degrees and my U-M PhD (12 years of University of Michigan tuition, benefits, and stipends!) are all now benefiting the state of California and its residents. Things may not be perfect here when it comes to equality, but at least California offers domestic partnerships and benefits. Not to mention, of course, the loss to Michigan of having two highly-paid professionals spending their combined income in California instead of Michigan.

Do you think that sounds like a net win for Michigan? Do you think losing all those thousands of dollars in our spending and taxes and our combined job experience (not to mention community involvement and volunteer work) was really worth the pittance that domestic partnership benefits may have cost the state? Clearly the answer is “No, and no.” So then, for you and the other Michigan Republicans to claim that this is an economic decision is obviously false.

If I am wrong and your decision to steal benefits from state employees truly is about the economy, not bigotry, then I am sure that you will point me where you have announced that you will guarantee to reinstate these benefits when the economy improves. Or, if this is really about the cost of benefits, then I’m sure you can point me to your proposal to cover only gay male couples — we’re cheaper to insure than heterosexual couples because we don’t need hugely expensive maternity coverage. Or, if this is about the economy, perhaps you should simply cut maternity coverage for everyone altogether. Having children is, after all, a lifestyle choice and as you have said, “the additional cost associated with the extension of health benefits to a new group [ie babies] in the midst of significant budget shortfall could potentially impact the ability to hire staff necessary to provide services for state citizens.”

You know what else could potentially impact the ability to hire staff necessary to provide services for state citizens? If highly qualified potential employees move away. But clearly this isn’t about the economy at all. The passage of the hateful Prop 4 back in 2004 was bad enough. However, Michigan voters were assured again and again by supporters of that constitutional amendment that “every single person currently receiving any kind of benefit would continue to do so.” (Metro Times, October 24, 2004). Of course, those people lied and immediately set to work to try to dismantle domestic partnership benefits at state universities.

It is disappointing to see you and your Republicans friends once again dancing to the tune being played by right-wing religious political extremists in Michigan. It is even more disappointing to see you attempt to hide behind the obviously phony claim that this is an economic decision while just this week you were trumpeting Michigan’s #2 economic ranking in the recent BEES report.

But, if you believe that it is worth saving a couple bucks and to lose talented Michigan residents and their experience, their incomes, and thousands of dollars of tax revenue in order to satisfy the anti-gay agenda of religious bigots, then I’m sure you’ll agree that it was fortuitous that my husband and I moved out of Michigan. From talking to our friends in Michigan — both gay and straight — it sounds like we may have lots of new neighbors out here in California in the near future, too.

Sincerely,

– Alan, [somewhereville], CA

Walking after midnight

Just like Patsy Cline, our dear Eli has begun to go walking after midnight; specifically around 4 or 5 AM. Instead of looking for love, he’s looking for food. He usually crashes out around 7 each night, and is apparently up and at ‘em bright and early, playing on the computer, trying to work the Wii, waking up his sister, making messes in the bathroom… you know, the typical stuff you do in the early hours of the day. He woke up the other day and helped himself to one of his sister’s leftover birthday cupcakes. The insanely tinted pink frosting is now ground into the carpeting on our stairs. We found a somewhat eaten ice cream sandwich in the sink the other morning, melting away down the drain. He couldn’t get the wrapper off, so he gnawed away at what he could and (thankfully) put it in the sink instead of chucking it on the floor.

We have put a lock on his door, for both his safety and for our sanity. The mornings are crazy, and being able to keep him OUT of his room is a good thing while we are getting ready. It is also used to keep his sister at bay, although she has figured out how to jump up and free the lock, letting herself in to wake him up or harass him. He is adamant about us NOT locking him in his room each night, and after his hollow promises to stay in his room until we wake him up, we have begun securing him (sounds better than locking him up) in his room.

Please do not call Child Protective Services on us, and Grandmas, calm down. It is for his safety. I have checked with our friend who is a child psychologist and he said it is okay. I pressed him about post-traumatic stress issues or repressed memories and he assured me that his young mind won’t remember anything but cupcakes and puppies from this time in his life. I feel bad we have to do this, but with his nocturnal activities, we need to make sure he is safe. I was thinking about the amazing, feel-good movie “Mommie Dearest” and I did a quick search for bed restraints. Dear Joan had the right idea. Kiss your kiddies goodnight, and then strap them in, Hannibal Lecter style to ensure sweet dreams and a peaceful night for Mommie, Daddie, and Papa Dearest. Apparently the only people using such devices now are prisons and mental institutions, so no go on that idea.

So we are left with a stern warning each night, and a tentative promise of no wondering. We have kept the door locked, and each morning, we hear him rattle the door to try and get out around 4 a.m. Putting him back in bed only generates howls and screams from him, which generates howls and screams from sleeping beauty next door, roused way too early to begin her hectic day.

It’s a no win situation for any of us. Please cancel any nominations for Parents of the Year. I am secretly excited for their teenage years when they spend all day in their rooms and sleep until noon. Until then, I will rely on our $1.00 solution for a good night’s sleep.

It's in the cards, a Halloween Tarot Reading from Spo

My buddy Michael, of Spo Reflections http://sporeflections.wordpress.com/ did  2 dozen readings (for other people)  on All Hallow’s Eve. He did a basic reading spread, using 7 cards. This is what my reading said. My comments follow his interpretations.

Card #1  - “The Card about you” (in your nowadays status)
Card #2 - “Home” matters
Card #3 - “Work” - or what you are doing/keeping you busy
Card #4 - “The Relationship Card” viz. how you/others are doing, and the energies happening.
Card #5 - “Positive Energies”: the matters you should be aware of and use.
Card #6 - “Negatives Energies” : things thwarting you/impeding you/tripping you up.
Card #7 - The “Summary” Card. A sort of what the future holds OR what is your status. It is more a mirror held up to you, rather than ‘this is what will happen”. 

I used a deck called “The Hallowe’en Tarot”, which has suits of pumpkins, ghosts, bats, and imps.  While it is easier for me to lay out 7 cards and read the ‘gestalt’, it is not much fun for you. So, I will explain one by one.

#1- Death   oooh! the Death card! I hear you shudder!  Well, not to worry. This card is about major transformation.  The Death card in this position heralds major changes for you in the near future. It does not mean you are going to drop dead. This is good news. I am glad I am not going to drop dead. Changes? What kind? Ooo, a mystery.
#2- 6 Ghosts - a nostalgia card, or a card about children. Apparently your home life is dominated but ‘child energy’.  A no-brainer I suppose.  Tarot is often is merely a ‘mirror’ to your life.  Hmmmm, I do believe you are correct on this one.
#3- King Imps  A king card in the work position says you are doing well with work, Nuff said. This cracked me up as work is crazy, and I am most stressed when I am there.
#4- 8 Ghosts  A seeking card. Are you looking to expand your friendship circle, or work on your family life/relationships?  It seems to predict you will, or should do some soulsearching. We have had many friends move or transition away from our circle lately, it’s been sad.
#5- 6 Imps  A victorious card; in the positive position, it implies you are doing welll/will do well in work and what you are about to accomplish. This is good news. I just wish my art career would start to pay a bit better.
#6- 9 Imps  More imps!  And this is a negative card of worry. Apparently your propensity to fret and worry is your worst matter.  Lordy, this is so true
#7- Star - a ‘stellar’ card’  whatever is happening, it is going to work out fine. This is good news too!

An update of sorts.